Calling an apple an apple

I have been rubbished by several for connoting different proverbs and idioms to situations I see. It suits and matches the situation but people fail to recognize the creativity and relativity and I end up being called the “pervert” with all exponentials to it.

An idiom which has got proverbial exponential meaning to me is “calling an apple an apple”. Of late, I have been using this idiom an umpteen number of times. This idiom has its own impact on me.

Calling an apple an apple is easy isn’t it? Certainly not, I would say. The context and the relativity theory I am trying to establish is with my current job.


This requires plunging deep into the past:-
The words “Business Analyst” conquered my mind when I heard them for the first time.
I did not care to know the profile, the eligibility for becoming a Business Analyst. That was the buzz word those times (not very long ago). I wanted to be one. The moment I got to know the exorbitant J hike I would be rewarded with for spending close to three quarters of a day in office resolving trade breaks and exceptions, I decided enough is enough and bullshitted the hike. It’s time to move on and outside of ABN.

I had placement offers from Deutsche Bank, SunGard and Covansys. Couple of these companies was offering a hefty package and the dream role of a Business Analyst. The Bank offered me a role in Derivative settlements but the contented heart was not content with the package offered. I was smiling like Cheshire cat with a load of cheese under its chest and for there is no one to share it with and all is mine.

My first impression on the profile of a Business analyst – one who would advise on the mergers/demergers/acquisitions in short - a role of an Investment Bank. Is it not a dream role? I thought WOW!!!!!!!!!!

In short span of time, I realized my dream was short-lived. The dream lived up to its name.

The first day in SunGard had negated the positive energy I had for this job. No new application would be developed. I would represent an application which was already available on the shelf for customers. All that we had to do was to run the executable and customize the application to the client’s requirement. Where were the mergers/demergers and acquisitions? I searched and searched and lost hope to face the reality.

The next profile I took was similar to the one said already. Maybe, I failed to learn from one mistake. After all to err is human and to forgive is divine. I forgive myself but I am steadily and surely repenting.

300 grams on the top tier of my body is seldom used these days. There is absolutely no need of using the brains. The customers say they need this, they need that. My job is to document the wants and having it read on a conference call for people who can read and cannot understand the written. Even if they understand it has to be read and consensus has to be arrived upon. What a waste of time, energy and every form of resource used.
All these conferences and meetings should not happen as the document written (namely the FS) is not a BA’s own document, but a representation of what the customer wants. If there are more than 2 conference calls to discuss the requirements, then, either of the two statements holds true – customer cannot present his requirement clearly and second would be that BA is not fit to write such documents.

There is absolutely no creativity involved as everything is mere representations. The only thing people get tired of being a BA is clinging on to the phone ranging from hours to days and nothing else. I can say I am not doing that either. It is better to remain jobless than clinging to the phone for hours. There are people who sit in the office attending calls, conferences and preparing FS, Business requirement documents, but, at the end of the day none of this involves using the 300 grams of soft tissues on the top tier. The only solace I can think of is the big bucks for not using my brains.

All the work said and done is during the sunshine period (say during winter in Antarctica) which lasts for two or three days in a month. The rest of the time/days needless to say - penning up articles, skimming through penned articles and rest of the time enjoying a cup of coffee for just over three hours to stretch till the lunch. The lunch would lunge till the evening cup of tea.

There are too many people who work like meJ but fear to say they are jobless because that will put them down in front of their friends, but, I don’t care because I call “an apple an apple”. I am quite vocal in saying I am jobless. That’s what is “calling an apple an apple”. People repudiating and denouncing themselves to be jobless say this in two ways – One is I am not busy; Second, don’t have much on hand these days.

The job of a business analyst is a tryst without a destiny and a job without a job. Never knew venturing into the IT will be such a tear soaked journey for me. There are quite a few who would definitely not concur with me.

There is a saying with in Chartered Accountancy Institute regime – A person who has successfully passed the exam would say that exam was tough and he had to work out of his skins to pass. This is just to show off the hard work. The person who failed will always blame it on tough question paper. Both of them do not present the correct picture. Both of them are not calling an apple an apple. I say “you study you pass”.

Wherever I go, be it a course of study or a company, I prefer calling an apple an apple.